Parla con me, parlami di te...

I had a long walk today in the center of Milan. Discounts are not there yet, nevertheless people are shopping like all is for free :)And it's beautiful, crowded and loud!
My first impression of this city, due anni fa, was terrible! I remember calling my mom from the central station, holding my bags, laptop completely disappointed by what I've seen. Of course, at any central station in any modern city in the world it's not the first place to be; besides all the lost tourists, there are a lot of beggars, dirt and it's not safe.
Then I took a cab to my dormitory. Through the window of the cab and a long drive, it all became somehow clearer as I saw beautiful buildings, shops, typical small streets and beautiful people. Then... A SHOCK! My dormitory was located on the last stop of green line of metro... let's say at the edge of the city! Beautiful dorm, but....I've always wanted to live somewhere in the center, even if that would be a small box, a cell as long as it is in the center, as long as I can hear people passing by and laughing - I'm good. I remember I was very sad that day and very lonely so I decided to have a long nap and clear out my head. My classmates started coming, one by one and it all became better, much better.
During those two years, I haven't experienced a lot. I did go out, I did meet Milan a bit but life in the dorm is so much different than living alone. Everybody's there, always something going on, always people around, parties especially with those exchange students but still if you don't enjoy all that you can always go to your room.
I had a best roommate, a best person next to me, also coming from Serbia. It's strange but it happened that we never NEVER had a quarrel.
After those two years, I decided to look for a flat. It was so exhausting, calling from early morning agents, meeting people, seeing the most beautiful but unaffordable places, getting ditched by landlords and finally having the sweetest place in Milan. It' very close to the center, located in a very beautiful and posh area where you can freely walk in any time of the day/night, not being scared which I was while living in the dorm. Location is very important to me! I thought I made it clear till now ;;)
Our landlord is a wonderful let's say 40-years old man living in France, earning for life as a photographer. The rent is a bit expensive, but it's ok. We have a nice coffee shop right next to our buliding, a flower shop right under our window....From September 2009 till now, I think that my love towards this city has increased! There is this thing typical for Milan, called aperitivo where you go to most of the cafes from 6-9, pay around 10 euros, get one drink and eat as much as possible! So many nice places. There is this sushi place called Wasabi, I give it 10 points! One of my favourite places is Obika mozzarella bar. And so many other places....
Nightlife is pretty impressive here and I didn't know that while living in the dorm, so many good concerts, undiscovered bands and talents to hear, nice people to meet.
La casa 139 is a good place to see. I've been there with my friends for the concert of Metronomy, Handsome furs, Port O' Brien...The last band we even had a chance to meet and talk to! I got their signature!!!!!We went on stage, we were singing with them...Oh, what a night! I was out of control that night, Ok I had a few beers but still...Anyway, I should not regret a thing!
Yeah, apart from that many cool clubs and places...but of course without a nice group of ppl it's all not the same!
OK, enough for today!I am going to study a bit and sleep

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces...

The city still sleeps....streets are empty, people are with their families and my home...is empty, but I am enjoying it. Every time that I am feeling down, I put the playlist of Diarios de Motocicleta, one of the nicest movies I've seen, with the wonderful soundtrack.
How important is to have a fiend, a person for whom you know that is always there. It is very rare. I have a lot of friends and I consider myself to be pretty social but also extremely selective when it comes to choosing the people that I want to have in my life. Anyhow, there are 4 people that made a difference in my life and for that and many other reasons, I feel blessed to have them.
So, I am not lonely. But, I am dreaming about meeting someone, being in love and I really don't get it!!! - why does it have to be so hard to fall in love?!I like many people and I have no problems getting them, BUT I want something more, I want that crazy little thing called love! AND I KNOW THAT IT EXISTS!
Last year, I thought I was in love and gave myself completely, being 100% positive that there is no way I would get hurt. And I wasn't but I made the other person miserable because I didn't know what I want and probably I wasn't in love....i was trying too hard knowing that it just wasn't that...it wasn't the person who could push me forward, make me fight for him and love, make me wanting my time to be shared with him....and I got involved I think too much, analyzing emotions, stressing the importance of LOVE that wasn't there, blaming him for not being able to make me fall in love. Oh, how pathetic it sounds! And, what is love for me?! How can I know when I never really experienced it. As I am becoming older, I doubt in its existence...all the movies, books, music, St. Valentine's day, the whole profit-based idea behind it just makes it way too perfect, so I keep questioning am I crazy??? Do my dreams have a potential of becoming real one day?Or it's just me with high criteria and never ending list of wishes & dreams?
Time will tell, but I guess until that day of clarification comes, I have to work on myself, giving my heart and soul for other things.

I don’t know.
We’ve been around the world
in passion, crazy
even,
and we missed each other for a step.

P.S. The second photo belongs to my classmate, a very talented young photographer.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!
What a movie! I've seen it long ago and decided just tonight to have a night for myself and concentrate on this movie. Having a nice bottle of white wine next to me, a perfect movie that makes you think and feel...no better place to be ALONE ;)
I love movies by the way. Not just any movies, there has to be really something striking about it at the very beginning so it keeps me watching it. I usually pray that it makes me cry, because then I know that it was worth spending 2 hours doing nothing. Jim Carrey is amazing! I've always loved him and I honestly think that if there would be any person I could choose from the red carpet, that would be him, definitely! There is something very sweet and fragile about him, no matter whether he is making some creepy faces/screaming/being mostly known as a comedian....there's something sweet about him, something that really makes him number one on my list of favorite actors. Oh, movies....love them, but without a music they wouldn't mean a lot to me :)
I got a new rommie, a girl that is gonna stay with me for 2 weeks. She is from Azerbaijan, really cute girl and very smart. I am just scared not to kill her by my nicotine being present all the time in a house. But I am opening a window from time to time, so she should be fine.

I will go to sleep soon, tomorrow is a big day - studying! Still haven't heard from my Ukrainian rommie, but I guess that by now she should be home safe&sound!
Good night,

:)

swimming pool

It's 7:13 am, didn't sleep at all and my roommate left for two weeks....so, i will try to make a use of this cold day, to fight against depression! My first post, nothing interesting to read, but I'll write something later....after the morning swim in cold Milan!


So, I came back in less than 15 minutes since I wasn't informed on time that due to holidays, the opening/closing has changed :) what to do now? It's too early for studying and somehow I feel so energetic, actually its always like this when I stay awake for the night....I'll have some water with lemon and a ciggie! I am supposed to be studying really hard cause exams are in a month and I have 6 of them, yeah 6 to go and then I am done! I am done with economics and management and then I can start living! I am dreaming about it all the time....how nice it would be to finish and never worry again in your life about exams. Ok there are plenty of other things to be worried about, but still different ones. When I imagine myself with diploma there is such a smile on my face, I have an exact picture and feeling....so amazing!Maybe that's why it is taking me so long, cause I want to continue dreaming about that moment for some time.
I spoke to my roommate, she is at the airport waiting for her flight to Prague and then she is having another one to Ukraine. So much snow for this city, so many flights being canceled, traffic jams all around but still.... there is something really beautiful about this weather and the city. I think I started to love it...people are nice, they are smiling, they are shopping Christmas presents. Unfortunately I will have to skip all that, since I decided to spend the holidays here, not going home as usual and put a pressure all around myself.... STUDYING!
Italian language is very beautiful and since I studied Latin and French, it's pretty similar however after 2 years here I know only basic words and I don't even use them.
Anyway, Italy is treating me well, so I guess I'll return the favor and do some shopping soon :)
Milan....who had known I would end up here...